And now for something completely different...Minimalism

            It’s quite a scary concept when you first think of it: get rid of your stuff. You think “but I like my stuff, that guitar is a beautiful ornament”, or “but I might wear that shirt someday”.  The anxiety starts to build and your mind races…

            Let me back up a little bit, almost a year actually. One December 27^th, 2013, my husband and I decided to go on a vegan/raw food diet, which means to not only cut out animals and animal products but to also cut out all processed foods. We did it for health mostly, we both wanted to lose weight for our impending wedding. It took some learning and some willpower, but we pulled through. Looking back, something that was really hard for me was throwing out all the bad food in our kitchen. I had the mentality of just eating it up to get rid of it (my mother’s voice ringing in my head about wasting food), but my husband had more willpower than me and just threw it out when I wasn’t home. This was the first taste of minimalism I have ever had.

            Coming back to the current state of affairs, we have now run into a wall that we must scale. I have graduated from college and I still hold the same part time job that I had while attending school, my student loans are coming due, and we need to downgrade our living quarters. We currently live in a 3-bedroom townhouse packed to the brim with stuff, including the basement. Both my husband and I are self-described pack rats so naturally we love our stuff. We decided out of necessity that we needed to start culling our herd of unused items, starting with musical instruments that we do not play. My $1200 guitar stares at me everyday wondering why I never learned to play it, causing me a constant low level of stress; the same goes for my husbands’ 2 guitars and keyboard. I put the items on a local web classified site, and his stuff sold like hotcakes and gave me the motivation I needed to put more things for sale. To date, I have sold over a half dozen items and we have made a few hundred dollars from our unused stuff. Having the money in the bank feels much better than unused stuff stressing us out and cluttering our lives.

            Our ultimate goal is to get down to 1 bedroom, plus a few living room furniture items. A list of the furniture we will have when we are done: 1 desk and chair, 2 tables for the kitchen (1 regular one with chairs and 1 long thin one for more counter space and to place our TV on), 1 leather loveseat (wedding gift), a papasan chair, and our mattress. In the future I would love to have a high quality dresser for the both of us, we have promised ourselves to never buy anything unless it is of high quality and we would use it all the time.

            I am still witling down my massive clothing and shoe collection. I have donated or given away approx. 2.5 garbage bags of clothes and 10 or more pairs of shoes, and I am not done. I want to end up with 4 pairs of high heels (nude, black, red, and metallic), 1 pair of flats, 1 pair of sneakers, 2 pairs of boots (fashion and winter) and 1 pair of sandals or flip-flops. This is a huge accomplishment for me, seeing as I own more footwear than is ever necessary. I would like to get my clothing down to half a closet and half a dresser (husband gets the other halves), this again is a huge feat seeing as I started with a full 6-drawer dresser and 2 (yes 2) closets jam-packed full of clothes, this doesn’t include my night stand with my undergarments.

            As you can see, I had/have my work cut out for me. I find it’s easiest to do this in stages, especially where I have about 1.5 months to perform this magic trick. I look forward to a clutter-free life. Wish me luck!

Update

After a few months (*cough* or more *cough*) of inactivity, I am back in the game. I finished my Business Diploma and school work term, and am in the process of looking for a job, so I have time to spare.

A few things that I want to accomplish:

• New and more frequent blog postings
• Website updates
• YouTube videos

I am putting a call out to my readers for suggestions for new blogs and videos, if you have anything you want to see or know more about, just let me know. If you have any questions you would like answered, just ask me because I would love to do a Q&A video. If you want to know my opinion on current news items, I would love to give it. Just ask and ye shall receive.

~Janice

Misconceptions

This is the rantiest (is that a word? It is now) blog I will probably ever write, but I have to get it off my chest.

Recently, I was invited to a birthday party for a former classmate. This classmate is a wonderful, strong lady whom I like and admire very much, with the exception of one thing: she selectively forgets important things about me, such as my name and the purpose of my business. Don't get me wrong, I was VERY happy to be invited to this birthday party because I never get out and I never meet new people, so it was a great thing for me.

Three days before the party, the former classmate's friend calls me and asks "(birthday girl) says you are a sex expert, is that true?" Now, i'm always leery of this question because I never know what the follow-up question will be, so I answer "sort of, why?" She proceeds to ask me if I can bring things to the party, such as toys or pictures. I don't have these things available to me because I don't do anything related to a sex toy party, but I have a sexy trivia game I tell her I can bring and she is happy with that.

During the party, the birthday girl introduces me in a way that leads people to believe I do entertainment/party stuff, so I correct her and inform the other guests that I lean more towards sexual health, education, and therapy. I tell the guests that if they have any questions or problems, just to ask me there or email me if it's private and I will be delighted to help them out. I spend the party answering questions and having a good time, it seems like everyone is understanding what it is I do and enjoys it.

We were unable to eat the delicious cake in the restaurant or play the game I brought, so we schedule a follow-up get-together for those reasons. About a week before the gathering, the birthday girl tells me that her friend wants me to bring toys and pictures this time. I tell her again that this is not what I do, and that I have no toys or pictures to bring (what kinds of pictures is she thinking of anyway?). She agrees that the game is sufficient and leaves it at that. At this point, I am getting that sinking feeling that no one truly understands what it is I am trying to accomplish, and that I was only invited to be the entertainment, so I decided that it is best not to attend the party (it helps that something came up at the last moment too). I tell the birthday girl and her reply is "Ahh, u r the main attraction..." and I follow-up by suggesting that someone else bring a fun game, as that was all I was doing anyway.

This was the confirmation that I needed. Despite telling her multiple times, and clarifying things with her guests, they still all believed that I was just the entertainment and all I do is sexy fun parties. This is the problem that I have wherever I go, not just with these ladies. People think that I throw sexy parties, or that i'm a sexual surrogate or something. It is so hard to break that popular media stereotype of a Sex Therapist that I usually tell people I am doing relationship therapy or couples counselling, because there are less negative connotations with those word combinations. It's sad that I have to mainstream the words I am using just to people do not immediately get the wrong impression of what I am trying to accomplish. It is so disheartening to have to explain myself over and over again, especially to the same people.

Maybe one day I will be taken seriously, I have a lot of work ahead of me so I better get started.

Rant. Over.

50 Shades of Grey Review

                  So, I have decided to read ’50 Shades of Grey’ because everyone and my mother (literally) is reading it and I didn’t want to be left behind. I want everyone to know that this was against my better judgment. I am not a critic or reviewer by nature, so I will just list some things that didn’t seem quite…right about the book, as well as any positive things I took away from it.

•            Overall I am not impressed by the writing style, it is almost juvenile feeling. I know that there are many talented erotic fiction writers that have not gotten the acclaim they deserve. If anything positive comes from this, I hope that it opens the door for more people to release their work into the mainstream market.
•            The author does use unique descriptive, such as ‘ghost of a smile’; however, she starts to overuse this phrase in the first few chapters. Luckily she gives it up and describes a small smile in different ways.
•             Using words that look like they’re straight out of a thesaurus- every once in a while there is a word just thrown into a paragraph that does not look like it belongs there and I’ll be damned if I know what it means. It looks like she got tired of using a word, and opened a thesaurus to find a smart looking word to replace it with.
•             Does the main character ever eat a full meal? I know the author is trying to get across that Ana is nervous around Christian, but really?
•             No one who is Ana’s age is this naive to the world and technology; I can swallow the whole virgin thing, but no computer and no email? How did she get through university with no email? Most universities use on online system for assignments and research. I’m surprised she has a cell phone at the rate she’s going.
•            The sex is unrealistic from the beginning, having an orgasm from playing with her nipples for the first time? Nope.
•             He knows she is a virgin, yet he just thrusts it in with wild abandon. OUCH! With his co-called experience, he should know you have to take it slower than that, much slower.
•             She is barely sore after the whole virginity-losing experience; she acts as if she’s been doing this for years. Her level of soreness is what I would expect from myself after a rough romp, but she is good to go the next morning.
•             Can we talk about the amount of orgasms? I only achieved this with penetrative sex after years of getting to know my body and its responses, and after being warmed up first. Very unrealistic, this just perpetuates the negative idea that if you can’t orgasm with penetrative sex there is something wrong with you.
•             This book should be called “50 Shades of Red”. I’m a pale redhead that blushes very easily and I don’t blush this much. I know the author is trying to get across the effect that Christian has on her but I find it annoying and unrealistic.
•             Her consciousness is a little too anthropomorphized for my liking. I find it distracting to be taken away from the conversation or actions at hand to read a sentence or two about her ‘inner goddess’.
•            The author almost refuses to use proper words for genitalia, instead using phrases like ‘down there’. I can at least be thankful she refers to the clitoris a few times.
•             Must I even mention the fact that Christian is an abusive, misogynistic, control freak that Ana should run away from? But noooo, she just too attracted to his beauty and allure to realize that this relationship is totally unhealthy. Way to set back women’s rights a few decades. Don’t get me wrong; I completely understand the dom and sub thing with the power control aspect. He is just too controlling outside the bedroom for my liking.
•            Honestly, Christian is just a creepy stalker with an obsession for Ana. She should get out before he mounts her head on a pike.
•             It’s annoying how Ana has to have so many people confirm for her over and over again that Christian has feelings for her. Her lack of self-worth seems incongruent with her appearance and intellectual abilities. Unfortunately, this is the case with most women.
•             I will throw something positive in here because I just realized how negative this review is. I do start to feel for Ana, the author does a good job at making the reader want to see her succeed. Like a friend, I just want to see her happy. In the end, that is the main thing that all novels should have, or they have nothing at all.

OK, that’s a big enough wound to inflict for now. I am partway through the second book and I may do a review on that one as well, depending on how interesting and different from the first book it is.

~Janice 

Losing It

            A recent documentary that I watched about middle-aged adults losing their virginity has got me thinking about the subject lately. I don’t propose to know the best way to lose your virginity except to say ‘do what feels right to you’. Everybody has different views on this subject, and I invite you to tell me about them. If what feels right to you is losing your virginity to your high-school sweetheart, an escort, or your husband on your wedding night; then power to you. I want to share my story with you, in hopes to open a bit of a dialog, or at least to get you thinking back to your experience, whether it was good or bad.

            I lost my virginity to a great guy: he was gentle, nice, intelligent, and made me feel sexy. Up to this point in my life, I had very few guys tell me I was sexy so I was putty in his arms. He was older, wild and fun and had money to burn, so to my teenage sensibilities told me he was just right. At the time I had just wanted to lose my virginity, ‘get it over with’ if you want to say. I didn’t see the big deal, it wasn’t some magic talisman that got more precious with time…and besides, I was one horny young lady (as most teens are). The experience itself wasn’t much to speak of, he was gentle but it still hurt like nobody’s business (thicker than average and a poor choice for my first). We got along royally for about 2 months until he moved away. I wasn’t heartbroken because he wasn’t my boyfriend, and I was richer from the experience.

            This experience paved the way to my sexual awakening and I can honestly say that sex with a person that you love is way better than casual sex any day of the week. Having that special emotional connection with your lover can make all the difference. I have been with my partner for over 7 years and I can happily say the sex is still amazing after all this time. I don’t regret losing my virginity to a ‘fuck buddy’, it made me appreciate what came after, and helped me to learn what my body responded to and what it didn’t.

            My advice to virgins (or anyone): don’t feel pressure to do anything you are not comfortable doing, if your partner pressures you, they don’t care about you. Do what feels right and go with your instincts, if you feel you are in the right moment to lose your virginity, go for it. Always be safe, it only takes once to get pregnant or to get an STI; don’t leave it up to the other person to have protection. Don’t feel bad if you are still a virgin at whatever age, it will happen when you are ready, and don’t let your peers make you feel like a loser for not having lost it yet. Lastly: no regrets; make smart decisions and you will have none.

            I invite my readers to share their first experiences, or what they hope will be their first time.

~Janice

50 Shades of Grey

Everyone seems to be up in arms about the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, i've heard reviews ranging from "it's very descriptive and hot" to "it's the most poorly-written piece of garbage I have ever read". I have decided to jump on the popularity bandwagon and read at least the first one myself. Once I am done I will post a review and let you know my thoughts on the book. In the meantime, if you are interested in buying it yourself, please follow the links below to purchase the books from my Amazon.com store.

http://astore.amazon.com/thlola09-20

~Janice

Bug Chasers

I have recently watched a documentary called "I Love Being HIV Positive", in which an HIV+ gay man comes across the term 'bug chasers'. 'Bug chasers' are men who seek out HIV+ men for unprotected sex, with the sole purpose of contracting the horrible disease themselves. I was so disgusted with the thought of someone intentionally infecting themselves that I had to stop watching for a bit.

The filmmaker baits these bug chasers with an online ad to get to the bottom of this trend, what he finds is that most of these men are just playing out sexual fantasies and disappear when asked to meet in person. There are a few cases of men actually following through with this horrible plan and there are a few reasons that I can think of why they would want to do such a thing:

1. They are not fully educated about the disease and/or they are minimizing the negative effects.

2. They want the attention and people to care for them, 'oh poor Gary, I’ll take care of you'.

3. They want to be on disability and have the state take care of them.

4. Or, they have a death wish.

The thing that bothers me about the last point (putting aside that suicide is never the answer) is that there are so many more ways to kill yourself that don't involve years of suffering. I will never forget the two individuals that came into my Intro Human Sexuality class in University who had contracted HIV; their lives have been filled with medication, side effects, and near death experiences. I cannot conceive of someone wanting that life.

What needs to happen is a resurgence of the campaigns of the 80's, it was almost a scare tactic to get young people to use condoms. While I do not agree with scare tactics, I think something needs to be done to increase the education to the public about HIV and AIDS. STI and AIDS education is present in schools, but education needs to go beyond the schools to reach adults who may not have been made aware of the perils of unprotected sex.

For those of you who wish to watch this documentary, it can be found here: http://watchdocumentary.com/watch/i-love-being-hiv-video_07b858486.html